


Two Lives; One More Forgotten

by if_i_go_there_will_be_trouble



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: F/M, M/M, Multi, Panic Attacks, Well - Freeform, whoops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-15
Updated: 2016-09-15
Packaged: 2018-08-15 03:14:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8040301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/if_i_go_there_will_be_trouble/pseuds/if_i_go_there_will_be_trouble
Summary: You could see them.  You knew them.  You were them.  You lived their lives.  Now you get to meet Hux and Kylo Ren





	Two Lives; One More Forgotten

You had been dreaming again.  It wasn’t a good dream. Not something with flying or swimming or an old memory from when ignorance was a given and bliss, naivety lacing through your thoughts like all the goodness in the world.  When you were nine, you were sure nirvana was your life as it was and not an inch different.  When you were ten, you realized how wrong that was.  And that’s when the bad dreams started.  You could see things that were far away, so far away you couldn’t understand it quite right.  But in the dreams, even foreign concepts and tongues seemed suddenly normal.  You thought once it was like how everything was normal in dreams.  And then you found out it was because you were seeing things, seeing them as someone else did and it was normal to them and so normal to you. **  
**

That simple.

By the time who were taken from your house at 19, the years had worn on you.  A stormtrooper came into your room and you lay on the bed, moaning and murmuring about a man with dark hair who was bleeding on ice and a man with red hair yelling at a massive hologram about how their world was ending.  The stormtrooper in chrome opened the glass casing you were in that slowed your metabolic rate to almost nothing and lifted you from the thin cotton that had gone damp with your own sweat and radioed in to the ship.  “I have her.  Tell Hux to pass the confirmation to Supreme Leader, and ready the ship for launch.”

“Copy that, Captain.”  

They put you in a bed separated from Kylo’s by only what seemed to be glass.  For the first time in a long time, your head wasn’t screaming, the dreams weren’t coming.  The visions seemed to slip back and forth from someone’s perspective, someone’s view you knew well.  The person was looking at you, and then you at him again and back and forth, like staring into an odd mirror that kept vanishing.  You reached over and touched your fingers to the glass.  And the man reached out to you.  

“You’re in my head.  I can tell now.  You’ve been in it for a long time.”

“Your head has been in mine.  Yours.  And the man with the red hair,” you murmured.  You looked up at the light.  It was so quiet.  Quiet like something warm and soft and kind and wonderful.  

“What does he want with her?” The ginger man asked the man in the other bed.  The ginger man stood at the window, staring out into the star-studded abyss.  

“Hux,” you murmured.  “Brendol Hux.”  You sat up and looked over at the other bed.  “And B- no.  Kylo Ren.”  You knew these two so well.  For the last nine years, you had been living their lives with them.  Feeling each thought and knowing each emotion.  

“She’s awake.” Kylo Ren stated.

“Obviously.” Hux replied.  “What’s your name?”  He asked.

“I- I-” God, you had almost forgotten. “Y/N.”  

“She’s basically mute.” Hux said.  “Why would Supreme Leader want a mute?”

“Y-you.”  You stared at him, eyes wide. “You killed one of your classmates.  And I rooted for you.  I wanted you to.  Your nightmares were awful.  So awful.  And he’s dead and you still dream of him. And even tough he is dead, I wanted him dead again.”

Hux started at you and you back at him.  You had seen him rise in the ranks.  You had wanted him to be happy as he knew how, even if you didn’t agree with how he was getting it.  “You. Kylo Ren.  I knew you before that name.  And after you took that name.  I knew you.  Why did you-?  Han.  Han.”

Kylo’s face whitened like death itself.  You breathed in and out.  You could feel them again.  Hux was surprised, intrigued; Kylo was afraid.  You looked forward and traced your bottom lip with your thumb. For the first time in a long time you realized how cracked they were getting. “I saw you fighting the scavenger. And I was almost hopeful. Not to be awful. But I was hopeful you were dead and I could go back to living without two more people in my head. One I could handle. But two-” you paused. You threw your feet over the bed and tried to stand.

“What do you need?” Hux asked.

“Water. Please. It’s been a long time since I’ve been able to drink.” You replied. In the glass coffin you had been kept in, there wasn’t any need for much to eat or drink. Every three day you were taken out and fed by a nurse who then put you right back in. In that time you had forgotten your self. Even your name. It was just living the lives of two men so far away.

Hux handed you a filled glass and you tipped it, some of it streaming past your mouth and onto your chest and lap but God did it feel good. It tasted like something. You tasted it. You experienced it. Not through someone else- you yourself.

“God damn,” you murmured, setting the glass down. “God damn.”

“Why were you in a glass case when Phasma found you?” Kylo asked.

You looked to him, then back down to the glass. You picked it up and gestured to Hux. “Please. More.”

Hux gave you something reminiscent of what a smile might be. He was thinking and you could hear it: he was looking you over and wondering what you might look like under the white shift. He thought you might look damn good in black. Or maybe completely nude in one of his own military coats. You gave him a sharp look.

“It was to slow my metabolic rate. To slow everything. I was- not eating. Not drinking. My brother carried me ten kilometers to the hospital and left me on the doorstep. They didn’t know what to do for me. They tried some things at first- kept me awake for three days. It only made it worse. Pumped me with drugs and stimulants and tried bathing me in ice water and putting me in hot rooms. Nothing worked. So they put me in that and hoped my head would fix itself.” You sipped the water slowly now.

“Your dreams?” Hux asked.

“It’s of us. She’s an empath. To a high extent. She was literally living our lives with us.” Kylo sneered at Hux, finding Hux’s ignorance to be his own bliss.

“What do you mean, ‘living our lives’?” Hux probed.

“Exactly fucking that. She’s passively force-sensitive. To a high degree. She had some connection to us and it became so damn stronger she wasn’t even herself anymore. She was just us.” Kylo explained, taunting Hux.

“There are four windows in existence. One is what we see of ourselves and no one else does. One is what others see of ourselves and we can’t. One is what others see and we see in ourselves. And one is what no one can see. And the Windows have strict borders between them.” You explained, drawing a rectangle in the air for each. “But for some reason those borders aren’t part of my perception: I see you, in three different ways and therefore like no one else does. Both of you. Even now- I can feel what you’re feeling. I can see what you both see. And I can hear your damn thoughts.” You said. And you looked at Hux and your lips twitched. “General, I think that I would look much better in black, too.”

Hux stated at you and a very soft pink crawled into his cheeks.

“That’s very interesting and all,” Kylo said, the statement dripping with sarcasm, “But what would Supreme Leader want with an empath?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” You said, and tilted your head to stare down Kylo. “I am the best radio tower in the universe. And I have the channels right to Hux and you. He can only hear what you’re thinking and feeling when he is close to you. But with me? He can always know. And what’s worse for you two, he can use it to pull you in even closer. No more plotting on the side, even in some feverish day dream,” you said, glaring at Hux. “No more pull to the light in weak moments.” You said, and looked at Kylo.

“He wants you to manipulate both of us.” Hux scowled.

“Or maybe you both are very wonderful and trustworthy little worker bees and he just wants to kill me. Imagine if I got into the wrong hands? There would be hell.” You said. You raised the water up, as if toasting your own death, and took a large drink of it.

“Aren’t you scared?” Hux asked.

“Nothing to be scared of. Nothing was worse than living both of your lives instead of mine.” You replied.

You stood in the canteen, wearing black pants and a shirt but refusing to put on shoes. The ground felt so wonderful. You hadn’t walked for years. You took a tray of food and went to a small corner of the ship where no one seemed to come. You sat down and bit off the lid of the meal and began to dig in with a fork.

“You know you can have meals delivered to your room.” A tall man said, standing over you.

“And you know that someone hiding in a dark corner probably means they don’t want company?” You replied to the red haired man.

“I had questions.  Ones I thought you could answer,” Hux said.

“You know,” You said, “I’m scared of the dark.  Terrified of it.  I don’t know why though.  Is that from you of Kylo?”

“I don’t believe I or Kylo are afraid of the dark.”  Hux replied.

“Then that’s mine,” you replied.

“I wonder- did you ever hate me?  Or hate Kylo?” Hux asked.

“Why?”

“We took over your life.”  Hux said.

“No,” you responded.  “I mean, I felt complicit sometimes.  In what you did.  And that I hated.  And I hated not having my own life.  But what a trade, you know?  I had half a life, ut for the half I gave up, I had two more lives.”

Hux leaned over to you,

You stood in front of the Supreme Leader with Hux and Kylo Ren, your eyes fixed on his leather-like skin and snake appearance.  You weren’t afraid, not at this moment, with the two people you had lived as for so long.  

“Come,” Snoke said.  

You moved forward and stared at the Sith, your eyes searching his visage for something you could empathize with, something remotely human.  You found nothing.

“Are you going to kill me?”  You asked.

“Kill you?  No, not after all it took to make you in the first place,” Snoke responded.

“Make me?  What do you mean?” You asked, your eyes wide with curiosity.

“I created you.  I made sure you were born, made sure the right people met and mated and the right child was carried to term.  I planned you.  For so long.  I had to meld a connection between you and Kylo at a young age.  And once I realized what Hux would become, I had to force that connection, too.  So much effort.  So much work.  No, I won’t kill you.  If I made you correctly, that is,” Snoke explained.

You stared at him, trying to figure out what it all meant.  “How?”

“The connections were difficult.  I had to experiment, trial and error.  Many didn’t survive.  But you did, though you were confined to that– pod for longer than I wanted.  And finally, I can complete Kylo’s training, initiate Hux, bring order to chaos.  I can finally finish my work in making you.  And one day, there will be more like you,” Snoke smiled to himself, pleased with his work.  “But first, a test.”  Suddenly, you felt yourself being forced backward, and a panel opened up to the side, a door to a small room.  You struggled against the bonds pulling you back.

“Stop!”  You yelled out, realizing how dark the room was behind you.  “Stop! Please!”  You screamed.  But then you were in there, alone, and the door shut.  It was dark.  So dark.  

You couldn’t stand the dark.  You couldn’t deal with it.  You fell down and curled up, moaning softly, trying to cry out.  “Please,” you whimpered, “please.”  You shivered and your breath came quick, so quick you couldn’t stand it.  You had never been alone, never in your whole life.  Not that you could remember.  But now, there was no one.  There was nothing.  Just you and the dark.  “Please,” you whimpered, “please.  Turn the lights on.  Please.”

“You have to let her out!” Kylo demanded to Snoke.  Kylo was holding his head, breathing in and out quickly.  He could feel it.  He could feel the fear and pain.  Your fear and pain.  Hux was similarly affected, but he bit his tongue and simply hugged himself, breathing as slowly as he could.

Snoke turned to Kylo, his eyes narrowing to slits in his pale face.  “You are not in a position to make demands.”

“What is this going to prove?  What is this supposed to do?” Kylo yelled out.

“Watch,” Snoke snapped.  

The door of the room began to shake on its hinges, the begging still not quieting.  In there, you were yelling out, but something else was happening.  Without Kylo’s efforts, the door was moving, shaking, rattling.  Your pain was doing it.  You were somehow, some way, gaining the abilities that Kylo had.  The door crushed down on itself, the metal screaming as it folded in and crumbled.  And then the mass flew across the room, slamming into a wall.  And there you were, on the floor, shivering and breathing.  You looked up at the light and the shivering and moaning stopped.  Your breathing quieted.

“Good.  Very good,” Snoke said.  

“What the fuck was that?” Hux asked.He was doubled over, eyes wide.  “What is happening?  I can- what?”

Kylo was similarly bent over, staring at Hux then at you.  Both of them were shaking as if they had woken up from a sudden nightmare.  

“Just as I hoped.  She can gain your abilities.  She can remember your training.  All the time it took to make Kylo and find Hux, and she can be both of you, if I push her.  If I make her,” Snoke smirked and went back to his chair.  “Go, all of you.  There will be more work tomorrow.”

You were lifted into the air by Kylo and taken back to his room, Hux tailing him.  You didn’t speak, but simply took a handful of Kylo’s shirt and tried to steady yourself.  

Kylo put you down on his bed, and Hux sat down at one end, near to your head.  Hux stroked the hair back out of your face.  Kylo stared at both of you, almost jealously.  But, suddenly that looked melted.  You felt something you hadn’t before, something that made even Hux sit up.  Both of you could hear Kylo’s thoughts. _I’m here.  Hux is here.  I know you, Y/N, we both know you.  It’ll be okay.  Maybe not today, or tomorrow.  But sometime._ Kylo lay down next to you, facing both you and Hux.  

“It’s so odd,” Hux murmured.  “I see it all now, ever since you crushed that door.  I can see my life, and how you saw it.  I can see Kylo’s life.  I can see everything.  All of it.”

“I’m sorry,” you murmured.

“For what?  I’m not alone.  For once I’m not alone.” Kylo said.

“For once, none of us are alone.” Hux echoed.  “You’re ours now, both of us,” Hux said.  He continued stroking your hair, and then moved to lay down, facing Kylo.  You could feel both of their breathes on your face.

“We’re here for you,” Kylo murmured, taking your hand and Hux’s.

“Both of us,” Hux added.


End file.
